LA Pump - Or How I Bruised My Nipples

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What Are LA Pump’s Products For?

LA PumpPumping, Watson. It’s absurdly simple! Okay, Okay…. they are for many things. Say you’ve got a body part like… a penis? Maybe you’ve got no penis, but you’ve got a clit? Now… maybe you’ve also got nipples! (They have something for most sexual anatomy setups, including a “Anal Pump Cylinder”). Well, let’s imagine you want to make that anatomy bigger, make it harder, or even more sensitive?

Pumps can help with all of those things, but should be used with caution! I touched on a lot of the safety/education info in the Pumping and You piece I mentioned earlier, but you should always ALWAYS ALWAYYYYS research any sexual products you are considering thoroughly AND listen to your body.

Well, How Does The Whole LA Pump System Work?

This part is a bit more complicated... At the simplest, you have your cylinder(s) of choice and whatever pump you may have chosen (LA Pump offers several). To use them, you have to first examine the whole set-up and familiarize yourself with everything.

The cylinders are largely the same... You get an acrylic tube with a little valve on the end (the little valve screws in, and can also be used as a pressure release).

It has to be tightened down to hold a vacuum, or you can unscrew to release pressure.

The “pump” in my case was the Deluxe Pump, which connects to the valve on the end of the cylinders.

To connect the pump to any of the cylinders, you just press the little metal tab on the valve and press the tip on the pump hose in.

It seems complicated at first, but it’s really not. If you do it one time, you’ll have the idea down pretty well. After it’s all popped together, you’ll want to place the cylinder (with a bit of lube around whatever anatomy you plan to pump) against the skin and slowly start pumping…

How To Take Care Of The LA Pump Stuff

The pump itself isn’t made to be around water, so if it needs cleaned… Just hit it with a damp rag and wipe dry.

The cylinders are acrylic and the little valve thing unscrews (it really should ever need cleaned).

You can just push a wet rag (or a baby bottle brush) inside and swirl/spin it around to clean the inside. It’s super easy to clean. Then, just let everything dry and you are good to go later!

My Experience With The LA Pump Cylinders

Keep in mind that I was sent several items to review, but the cylinders all work the same way and are usable with any of their pumps. I tried all three several times (I’m not one to believe claims of “growth” easily, and didn’t feel that was the purpose here… so I didn’t do any routines or anything.) and I’m pretty pleased with them.

The Cock Cylinders

The two cock cylinders (the regular and wide body) are pretty great. The suction can be spotty if you haven’t trimmed and lubed around the base of your shaft to create an airtight seal, but once that’s done… Well, they don’t just decide “Fuck it, we’re done!”. Once pumped up, they stay pumped up.

As far as feeling… At lower pressures, the artificial pussy feels great. They definitely make things feel more engorged, and will certainly pop the veins down your shaft out (making them more prominent). At higher pressures, they can be a bit uncomfortable; The pressure can stretch your inner tissues out, causing a dull ache. This isn’t unique to the LA Pump stuff though, this is with all pumps. Be careful with pressure always!

The one issue I had is that I like to slide a ring onto the cylinder of a pump, pump up… and then slide the ring off the cylinder and around the base of my shaft. That’s not really possible with these cylinders, as they’ve got the widened bottom edge. I’ll have to get one of the adjustable “lasso” style rings, but I suspect that would work fine. I didn’t have any issue popping a ring on quickly after I pumped some, but I did lose a bit of the increased size.

The Nipple Cylinders

These things are just pretty fucking amazing. I love nipple play, and though I went too far trying to snap a pic for this write-up… I’m very pleased with them. You can pump a bit for increased sensitivity, or if you are inclined to inflict pain you can pump the pressure to a pretty crazy level… Enough to feel like the edges of the cylinder are biting into the skin. They really are my favorite part of the whole set, and I’m very anxious to multi-purpose them onto a willing partner’s clit at some point; they are just big enough that most clits should fit into them wonderfully (and I happen to love engorged, super sensitive clits).

The Deluxe Pump

Quite fucking simply, it rocks. It’s got a safety release, it’s got a pressure gauge, and it’s easier to pump than some of the weird pumps I’ve seen with “novelty” models.

Overall Opinion Of LA Pump’s Products (Based On What I’ve Used)


If you are someone that is curious about pumping and you are looking for a quality pump/cylinder set-up that will last you a long while, the LA Pump line of products is pretty nice. No pink “rubber” cups or blue cylinders with hard to read inch markers down the side, no worries about if the materials are safe… Just quality clear acrylic cylinders with a one pump fits all cylinder approach. While they are a bit pricey, they’ll likely last forever if taken care of! The parts have to be bought individually, but that makes it easier to get pieces that will fit you right (penis measurements will be needed to make sure things fit). Overall, I highly recommend the LA Pump products, even if the widened base was problematic for me.