Fake Pussy Made Easy: A Definitive Guide

Everything you need to know about fake pussies

More popular than ever, fake pussies exist in a number of forms - this guide will help you to choose and care for the fake pussy that’s right for you.

Unlike other sex toy websites that are probably looking solely for sales and clicks, my website’s purpose is to help you find the best artificial vagina for your needs. This isn’t an easy thing to do without proper knowledge and experience, but luckily for you, I’ve got both. Over the years, I’ve gotten excited to use some of the best fake vaginas around - the market-defining, realistic, state-of-the-art products. Inversely, I’ve also tried to use toys that simply aren’t very good in terms of pleasure (to be fair, I’m still fairly certain that old Hot Wheels weren’t designed for what I was doing). The reality is that your hard earned money - and time - shouldn’t be wasted on junk that doesn’t get the job done. And with my assistance, it won’t.

I’ve gotten plenty of use out of my favorite vagina toys, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not knowledgeable in every type and style. From the various materials used to make the pussies, to their design and features (which have a massive impact on users’ experiences and junk), I really have seen and tested it all. Whether you’re a budget-minded jerker in the market for a cheap fake pussy, a realist looking for a fake hairy pussy, or even a diverse pleasure-seeker looking for the (entirely realistic) black version, I have you covered. In no time at all, you’ll be enjoying pussy from the comfort of your home, at any time that you please!

Fake PussyBut maybe I’m getting ahead of myself - some hesitant readers may have a generally poor opinion of fake sex toys, as a result of stories or personal experiences (say what you will, but the hospital stay from my Hot Wheel incident was one of the most painful experiences ever - I’ve got you beat). I’m going to briefly relay what makes the masturbator of today so awesome - and so addicting.

For years and years, developers have listened to the complaints and praises of consumers, and attempted to increase the positive feedback (while decreasing the negative feedback) behind fake pussies. Thousands of hours of hard work from these experts - and thousands of hours of hard jerks from the initial testers - have resulted in pocket pussies that are so smooth, durable, realistic, and fun to use that many customers find that they don’t need to leave their home anymore. Innovation and sophistication have finally met to form the greatest fake pussies in history.

And as I said, I’m here to make your fake pussy experiences as enjoyable as possible. From the selection to the purchase, as well as the use and enjoyment, I definitely know what I’m doing. I’ll answer any questions you may have and provide any necessary assistance (besides oiling you up and prepping for insertion. Sorry boys, you’re on your own there), all to get you hooked on fake vagina - which is being called, by many, “more enjoyable than real pussy!”.

Whether this is true or not will depend on the user, but experience shows that there’s certainly a lot to enjoy from the machine-made pussies of today. It has yet to be confirmed, but one of my Hollywood insiders claims that his rise to the top of the film world can be attributed, largely, to his fake pussy. Granted, he may have been exaggerating - or just a troubled homeless man setting up shop outside of a studio - but the message is the same: male masturbation toys are are awesome.

No more frustration, no more hard-ons that can’t be satisfied, and no more softie-struggling it through another late-night episode of something on Cinemax. Rubber pussies provide the most possible enjoyment and pleasure, and with your permission, I’d like to show you the diversity of today’s pussy market.

Fake Pussy Types

Vibrating Fake Pussies

Vibrating Fake Pussy

Don’t get me wrong, I love real-life pussies as much as the next guy, but the reality is that even the most enjoyable scrambled eggs between the eggs cannot physically vibrate. And this noticeable difference between real-life vaginas and this style of fake pussy cannot be understated - or undervalued.

A variety of vibration speeds, styles, and methods can be found in the realistic vaginas of today - all of which are sure to provide an incredible amount of pleasure. Moreover, while a ridiculous, overpowering vibration would spoil the entire experience, today’s moving fake pussies have been well-researched and designed to assure users are both comfortable and happy.

Anyone who is interested in pocket pussies, but honestly unsure of what they will bring to the table that regular, real-life sex doesn’t has found their answer (besides no-strings-attached and constant availability): vibrating pussies are the future of both pleasure and enjoyment, as demonstrated by their quality of technology and materials, as well as the countless number of users that they’ve already pleased.

A warning to potential customers: vibrating pussies are so incredibly effective that they may very well provide enough relaxation to cause one to sleep; vibrating units that are left on after use may result in alerted roommates, family members, friends, and/or a penis that can’t seem to stop moving (even after the device has been taken off). Laugh if you will, but you have certainly been warned!

Pump-Based Fake Pussies

Pump Fake Pussy

Perhaps the highest-tech male sex toys around, the pumping models are perfect for anyone interested in pure, unadulterated, fast-paced pleasure.

Basically, pumping pussies are custom-made (for individual shoppers, as well as general audiences, based upon a general size) pleasure machines that operate in an entirely hands-free style. Once a pleasure seeker’s Johnson is ready for deployment for mission “Get Off”, he or she simply applies a bit of lubrication (which isn’t even necessary in some models) and houses his unit inside of the machine’s insertion area.

The inside of pumping fake pussies are made from the softest, most pleasurable, and thoroughly enjoyable materials around - resulting in the wildest possible experience for users. In addition to being incredibly soft and hands-free, penis pumps can increase or decrease their pump rate based upon the actions of the user (hence the name).

A simple pick-me-up of ten strokes or so per minute, as well as a wild and crazy multi-hundred pumps per minute can be enjoyed by users - all depending upon what they want.

Finally, pumping sex tools can use their pump systems to attach to other devices, in many cases - making for potentially different styles of pleasure, should users be interested.

In short, penis pumps are some of the most automatic and effortless devices around today. If you’re someone who is interested in this ease of use - and a potentially crazy rate of pleasure - you should check a pump pussy out.

Realistic Fake Pussies

Realistic Fake Pussy

For as awesome as regular these fake toys are, some users simply want to enjoy something that’s closer to the real experience - and that’s exactly what realistic fake pussies go for and achieve. If you’re skeptical about the style of pussy, you won’t be after examining the following information, which does well to highlight just how this realism is achieved.

First, realistic units are molded and designed based upon real-life vaginas. The measurements, dimensions, pressure, movement, and overall appearance of furiously gorgeous boxes are replicated with shocking accuracy.

Next, the materials used in realistic vaginas - both inner and outer skins, as well as all other parts - are tested and proven to be as close to the real thing as possible, through both blind touch tests and pleasure tests. Frankly, the feel of the materials used in realistic pleasurers took a long while to develop; many men have sacrificed their time, and in some cases, their health, testing out previously developed models. It’s your duty to honor them through use!

Finally, the durability and overall movement of realistic masturbators complements and accentuates the entire experience. In addition to looking and feeling like real pussy, these units move and adapt like real pussy. This finalizes and confirms the realism of the experience.

Anyone interested in maximum pleasure from a unit that’s as close to the real thing as possible has found their answer, once again.

An additional note to users: real-life juices aren’t (usually) included!

Stroking Fake Pussies

Stroker Fake Pussy

Perhaps the most pleasurable and realistic feeling of the fake pussy market, but not the most realistic in use, male strokers are probably the most popular of all the types.

To further explain the above distinction, stroking devices feel very, very similar to the real thing, but because users must actually stroke to use them, they are still less realistic, overall, than realistic fake vaginas.

Nevertheless, there’s enough here for you to enjoy, between the overall quality and experience.

First, automatic strokers for men are made with incredibly high-quality materials. Although all other types of male toys are as well, the fact that users will be holding this type of device as it is being enjoyed means that materials that are softer and more slippery can be used in construction of the internal chamber—resulting in even more pleasure for users.

Next, male strokers are unique because of their uncharacteristically easy cleaning methods. Whereas all other types of fake pussies can be easily and effectively cleaned, stroking fake devices are perhaps the easiest, based purely upon their construction and build. This is a must if you’re concerned mainly with convenience.

Finally, automatic strokers have a leg up on the competition due to their inherent small and easily storable nature. Without compromising the quality of materials and components used to make the product, manufacturers have reduced its size to the lowest needed point. If you’re concerned with keeping their device out of sight, you should pay some thought to the easy storability of stroking toys.

As a whole, stroking devices are perfect for anyone interested and concerned with both pleasure and simplicity.

Cleaning and Storing a Fake Pussy

Sex Toy Cleaner

Although the fake pussies of today are built to an incredible degree of quality, the reality is that their usage spans can be greatly extended with proper care and cleaning. Moreover, their use will be more enjoyable if they are treated with thorough cleanings on frequent occasions.

First, it’s important to know that most realistic pussy toys feature specific cleaning instructions, in terms of both cleaning liquid and style. These instructions will pay respect to and take into consideration the specific materials and build of a product - it’s accordingly important that they’re followed.

For those without instructions and those which name several cleaning methods, it’s important to follow a few general guidelines so the unit is able to be used for as long as possible.

First, any cleaning liquids and/or substances should be applied gently, yet thoroughly. Scrubbing or applying too hard can damage the product’s skin and texture, while pressing too lightly can allow for the sticking of undesirable substances (which will negatively impact the machine’s overall texture).

Next, cleanings should be performed immediately after use, unless otherwise specified. As was stated, the sticking of substances is a big issue with fake pussies that many overlook. This can lead to an expensive and loved fake pussy turning into an expensive piece of useless plastic! Attentiveness and consistency are imperative in regards to sex toy cleanings.

In addition to these cleaning guidelines, the delicate nature of pocket vaginas demand that they be stored in a specific general climate.

Unless you’re the Human Torch or a human heat pump, your fake pussy won’t be exposed to any damaging amount of heat or sunlight during use. These types of conditions can be both damaging and even dangerous (perhaps a piece of plastic will melt and re-harden at an odd angle - ouch!), so it’s important that you protect your investment by storing it in a room temperature area of a normal humidity. Direct sunlight, extensive heat (especially by furnaces and heaters), and overt moisture (say in a bathroom) should be avoided at all costs.

Finally, the most important part of using an artificial vagina - whether it’s a cheap fake pussy or an expensive, ultra-developed product of the future - is discreet storage. It doesn’t matter if you’re a happy bachelor or a married man - the reality is that there is at least one person who will be inside of your home that you’d rather not find your device (grandma might be open minded, but even she has limits!).

Storing your fake vagina in a safe and classified area of the proper temperature and climate - say deep inside of a drawer, a closet, underneath a bed, or for the overly careful, inside of a steel-protected and fireproof safe - will help eliminate any risk of it being found, as well as the stress that accompanies this risk.

And if there’s one thing that we can all agree on, it’s that male masturbators are made to melt stress - not create it.

Where should I buy from?


If you’ve made it this far, you’re now an expert on everything related to rubber pussies. From materials to types, storage and cleaning, and a whole lot else, you have the ability to educate the masses (and they will surely appreciate it!).

But one important piece of information hasn’t yet been covered: where to go about purchasing an artificial vagina. As the popularity of the devices has increased, the number of manufacturers and companies have also exploded (pun shamelessly intended), and the reality is that some of these companies are better than others.

For starters, you should check out autoblow2.com and roboticblowjob.com if you’re in the market for a quality provider of any type of awesome fake pussy (or other masturbators). Using the best materials, highest quality overall building structures, and a commitment to customers, these stores take great steps to assure that the best value - and experience - are enjoyed.

To drive the quality of these companies home, I’ve taken the liberty of including a glowing review from an ultra-satisfied customer.

Bro, I didn’t even know what pleasure was before purchasing one of autoblow2’s blowjob sleeves.

Now every time I chill with my bros, I’ve got a wild story to tell them - my fake pussy has helped me fit in!

We were chilling around the fire the other night, sipping some brews, when my one bro asks me what sexy stories I had to share (assuming that I had none). Now normally he would have been right, but not tonight. I had a personal pussy now.

I gathered my bros in close and told them about the pussy I’d enjoyed in the kitchen, in my basement, on my roof, in my car, and even in my office! Their eyes glowed with excitement and intrigue, before all six of them - even those who previously doubted me - said, in unison, “Nice, bro”. Nice indeed, and I couldn’t have done it without autoblow2. Thanks again bros!

Sincerely,

One Totally Satisfied Bro

Gee, you sure are all about that bro lifestyle. In any case, the great folks at autoblow2 and I are happy that this bro is content with his product and his life. He might be exaggerating a bit, but the serious facts of the matter remain: customers are incredibly pleased and impressed with their blowjob devices from autoblow2 and roboticblowjob. As was mentioned as well, both of these industry-leading companies provide quite a bit more than realistic vaginas, so whatever you’re in the market for, they’re worth checking out.

But back to the matter at-hand: fake pussy that’s good enough to beat the real thing.

Another common worry of browsing customers is shipping - will a fake pussy or other stimulation device arrive discreetly and safely? For as accepted as they are, these types of devices still aren’t the types of things that many feel comfortable buying. Like a ton of other products related to the functions and needs of the human body, they probably won’t ever be, either.

But this worry doesn’t need to stop you from making the purchase.

Thankfully, the shipping of the aforementioned online stores is both discreet and unnoticeable. Neighbors, family members, roommates, friends, and whoever else sees the shipped package won’t be able to distinguish it from a regular toy. Additionally, the risk of a jealous postal or delivery worker taking the product for himself is eliminated (and trust me when I say this is real, as my UPS guy took like five of my non-discreet products before being fired for missing too much work).

Finally, especially in the case of autoblow2, the founder is absolutely awesome. Brian Sloan designed and invented the device, and is more down-to-earth, approachable, and realistic than any company founder, let along one in the sex industry. This outstanding personality and overall demeanor have made his products additionally purchasable by customers. Even the greatest product in the world would be difficult to purchase when made by a company with a known asshole of a founder.

And with Autoblow 2 - as well as, to a slightly smaller extent, roboticblowjob - this doesn’t need to be stressed.

Now that you have the information, go ahead and make the purchase. The fake pussies of today are affordable, durable, and incredibly pleasurable. And before long, you’ll understand this for yourself.

And for those who are still on the fence - interested, but not yet sold, ask yourselves: is regular jerking the most fun that you can be having? The answer to this question is a resounding no - unless you’ve yet to experience a fake pussy or other simulation device.

For as useful as your hands are, they simply don’t provide the same amount of pleasure to Mr. Johnson as the real deal - or the devices of today that mimic the real deal.

The time has come to experience something new and exciting for an ultra-affordable price - and that’s just what the pocket pussies of today offer. Click to order, wait for the package to arrive, and then most importantly of all, log some usage hours!

Here’s to one last “good luck” with your fake pussy, bros (I think One Satisfied Bro rubbed off on me - and there was no pun intended there, because I don’t joke about stuff like that!).

In conclusion, you’ve officially been welcomed into the world of fake pussy.

Enjoy.