Hot Octopuss Pulse Review

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What Is Hot Octopuss Pulse?

Hot Octopuss PulseThe Hot Octopuss Pulse is a “guybrator”. It’s a vibrator designed for men by a man named Adam (how fitting, that the “first” vibrator for men be designed by a man with the same name as that old biblical first) to address the lack of quality vibrating pocket pussies. The story goes that Adam (an inventor of sorts, specializing in the homemade realm of sex toys) set out to make “the first vibrator for men that really worked”. After some experimentation with some vibrating eggs Adam got his friend Julia to “join forces” with him, and they started to pursue the “perfect” guybrator.

As time went by, ups and downs ensued. Patents were filed for, names changed, experts contacted. “Industry experts” pushed them to make it a couples toy (and it started soooooo pure!) led them to change things more.

Essentially, the Hot Octopuss Pulse is a male vibrator or guybrator (supposedly an oscillator) designed for men. I have my doubts about it being a “couples” toy, but we’ll cover that later!

What Is Hot Octopuss Pulse Made Of? How Can I Care For It?

Stuff and things people, stuff and things. All the surfaces you need to worry about touching body parts are made of either silicone or hard plastic, so it’s body safe and pretty damn easy to care for. It is usb rechargeable (you can use your wall wart usb plug, your computer… anywhere you can plug in a usb cord), and pretty powerful.

As far as cleaning: The little guide book says “wipe with a damp cloth”, but I choose to wipe mine down with a baby wipe to clear all “matter” from the surface (I’ve got some serious lint issues), and then go over it with a generous splash of toy cleaner (any brand should work, just be careful not to overdo it!) and then wiping it dry.

The Hot Octopuss Pulse isn’t waterproof, so please be careful with toy cleaners!

How Does The Hot Octopuss Pulse Work?

The Hot Octopuss Pulse is turned on and off with buttons on the sides; the plus sign is on the right side of the guybrator (when placed on the cock) and is used to turn the toy on and then the power levels up.

The minus sign is on the left, and used to turn the power down/turn the Hot Octopuss Pulse off (you have to hold the button down for a second to turn it off from any speed except for the lowest).

My Experience With The Hot Octopuss Pulse

Honestly, I was a little shocked when mine arrived. For some reason, I was expecting something a bit smaller, but it is actually quite big.

I hooked it up to the charger, and let it sit (supposed to be 4 hours for the first charge, mine only took 3) until the little charge light shut off.

Then… I laid back and did what I thought I was supposed to (apparently, I went straight for the “advanced” mode) and slid it on my flaccid man meat and thought dirty thoughts…. it felt good, but it wasn’t getting me going like I thought it should. I threw on some porn (in case you were wondering, it was the Siri scene from Big Girls Are Sexy 2) and as I got harder, it did start to feel substantially better.

The no hands approach wasn’t working for me though, so I started a process of subtle adjustment. I didn’t want to use it to “jack off” like every other toy, so I tried holding it different ways: the pulse plate higher on my frenulum, lower, firmer against my shaft… and when I was about to give up I hit gold.

A single finger on the “underside” of the toy where the silicone and plastic meet pushed the pulse plate into the PERFECT position for me. I laid there for a bit, kind of laughing at the porn (I cannot stand the dude that is fucking Siri in that scene… Mainly because of the face he makes at one point. I would screenshot it, but I don’t know if it is legal) until all of a sudden it felt like I was about to piss on myself.

This wasn’t an entirely new sensation, but the fact that it was happening without the aid of a prostate toy (or several beers) was new to me. I relaxed and tried my damnedest to hold back, and came ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. We are talking full out had to clean the linens and even pillowcases cumming.

This was a onetime event (I think it was the fact that it was an entirely different kind of stimulation that I am used to) but I proceeded to try it as a masturbator the next day.

Failure. I’m not even going to post all of the details about it, but in my opinion: the Hot Octopuss Pulseis better as a vibrator than as a “masturbator”. It felt good, but I found myself wanting another orgasm like the first with it.

I haven’t had a chance to try it with a woman, but I suspect it would be okay for foreplay (We-Vibe Tango or Hitachi it is not). I don’t think there is a dedicated vibe inside for the “woman’s” area of the toy; it seems like it’s only the transmission of vibes from the pulse plate to the exterior that makes it feel like anything at all.

UPDATE TO ADD: I cum every time with this toy, but not using it as a “masturbator” (Moving it doesn’t work for me, but does feel good). I get off much better just holding the Pulse so that it oscillates against the frenulum.

Final Word On The Hot Octopuss Pulse

Overall, I think it fucking rocks. The guybrator terminology is problematic in that it’s inherently gendered, but it’s so awesome to see more innovation in the realm of men’s sex toys (They’re trying to market as a couples toy… I get the logic, but the Pulse is a penis stimulator plain and simple.) The USB charger is great… I wish all the companies would start doing this!


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